So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
