Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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