If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
