she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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