Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
