Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
