apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
