My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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