Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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