the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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