..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
