ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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