we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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