They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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