Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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