nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
