So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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