I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
