Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
