Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
