I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
