also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
