I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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