i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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