so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
