I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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