I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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