My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
