my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
