Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sorry about my life...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
