Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
