O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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