She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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