don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
