Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
