Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You are a genius and a whore.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
