Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
