all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
