At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
