All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
