Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
