he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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