Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
