Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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