I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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