he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
