you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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