i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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