Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i want to swaddle you in tequila
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
