you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
