Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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