I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
