He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
