My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
