I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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