If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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