Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
