i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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