I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize