How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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