Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
