I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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