the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
