I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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