I need to stop coming to work sober
Fuck appropriateness.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
