Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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