What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
