Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
