she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
How external is "for external use only"?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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