There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
