No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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